Have you ever felt like you are constantly running behind, never quite in control? If so, you are not alone. For a long time, I felt this way too, and sometimes I still do. But over the past couple of years, I have experienced a shift in my mindset and overall well-being. I hope that sharing this journey might resonate with others who have felt the same way. Reading about others’ struggles and small victories has always helped me, so I hope this might do the same for someone else.

If you know me or have listened to the early episodes of Degrees of Freedom, this won’t come as a surprise. I have spoken openly about feeling overwhelmed, as if I were always chasing my own agenda without ever catching up. That sense of being perpetually behind has mostly faded, and this is not due to changes in my work environment. The truth is, I seem to be relating to things differently. I am not sharing this because I have “figured it all out”, far from it! But I have noticed that even small internal shifts can ripple outward in how we parent, work, or show up for others.

This isn’t the first time I’ve hinted at this. Some months ago, in another episode of Degrees of Freedom, I touched on these changes, but I wasn’t ready to look back then. I am still figuring it out, but the pieces are becoming clearer.

About two years ago, I decided to start a meditation practice. The decision came after months of feeling drained, combined with the inspiration I found in conversations with Oliver and Cecilia on It is Not Just Numbers. I knew the benefits and risks, and had even tried it in the past, but it never stuck.

Before that, I had quit most social media and reduced my screen time. That helped, but I needed something deeper to make me pause. Then, in an interview with Mingyur Rinpoche, I heard a surprising piece of advice: it does not matter how much or how long you meditate, as long as you do it regularly enough. Since fitting a session into my schedule felt impossible, I decided to start with just one minute a day. No more, no less.

The push I needed came from a Black Friday discount on the Headspace app (which, for the record, I wouldn’t recommend). The discount gave me the excuse to commit; paying for something made it harder to back out.

For the first few months, I stuck to short sessions to fit them into my packed schedule. The experience felt cliché and was underwhelming at first. The more I meditated, the more I noticed how scattered my mind was and how difficult it was to stay present. I was constantly lost in thoughts. But I decided to stick with it, reading that this was normal, just becoming aware of the noise that had always been there. Still, I didn’t see any other changes. For all I knew, I was wasting my time.

A few months in, the effort felt lighter. I began to notice temporary relaxation while following the breath or listening to sounds around me. I increased the time slightly, reaching 10 to 15 minutes in the morning before work. I would close my office door, sit with my breath, and wait for 9:00 to roll around. But beyond that, nothing felt different.

Then, in spring, my wife surprised me. I hadn’t told anyone I was meditating—not even her. Yet, out of nowhere, she told me to stick with whatever I was doing because it was positively changing how I related to her and our kids. This was the first real validation I had. I hadn’t consciously decided to act differently, or even noticed the change myself, but it was happening. That encouragement kept me going.

It took another eight or nine months before I noticed the first real shifts myself. One morning, I realized I had not struggled to fall asleep in weeks. Previously, I would lie in bed with my mind racing, but now, focusing on my breath would lull me under almost instantly.

Another change was subtler but just as significant: I began noticing emotions before they fully took hold. I would catch the early stirrings of anger or sadness, sometimes even recognizing the triggers. Just being aware was a huge shift, though I still can’t always act on it. Alongside this, I was becoming more present in everyday moments.

A few months later, I realized my baseline state had shifted. I used to be anxious and reactive; now, I felt calmer and less attached to the things that usually upset me. The biggest change was that I could be intentionally present and feel satisfied, even when challenges arose. I would find myself pausing to appreciate small things, like the light through the leaves or the sound of birds. I no longer felt the need to constantly do something, which brought a peace I had not experienced in a long while.

Let’s be clear: this doesn’t mean I no longer get upset, anxious, or sad. If anything, I feel those emotions more intensely now that I am more aware of them. I am still often unable to act on that awareness, especially when tired. But the difference is significant. I can often catch myself before spiraling into negative thoughts, and it has become easier to connect with others and be fully present with them.

Some behaviors are ingrained and won’t change quickly without substantial work. But noticing even small shifts after just two years of minimal practice has been significant for me. That is one of the reasons I am sharing this.

There is also another side to this: I now find it easier to work and stay on top of things instead of feeling pulled in every direction. Even in intense working blocks like the current one, where I jokingly tell people that “I am surviving”, I am generally more relaxed and energetic, able to focus for longer even with a packed schedule and a wild to-do list. I still have a long way to go, but the difference is noticeable.

Is all of this because of meditation? I don’t know for sure. It is likely a mix of factors, but the changes align with the research. I feel more in control of my life and emotions, better equipped to handle stress. It took time to notice, but the effort has been minimal and the payoff unexpected.

My most recent observation is that I can now sometimes sit with difficult emotions without being overwhelmed. Instead of letting them control me, I can acknowledge them and use their energy to take action. It is still new and strange, but it is another unexpected benefit of this journey. I am curious to see where it leads.

If you are feeling stuck, constantly behind, or reactive, I encourage you to try meditation. See if it works for you. Sometimes, the most profound changes come from simply being present. We have discussed resilience and emotional intelligence on Degrees of Freedom before, and I would love to hear your experiences. Feel free to share your stories in the comments here or on the podcast page.

For those wondering how to start, there are excellent free resources out there. Two I particularly like are Medito and Healthy Minds. Both are free and run by nonprofit foundations, and the latter is also conducting scientific research on the topic. If you want something more structured, the Joy of Living community has one of the best courses out there. Just remember: short and regular is better than long and irregular. At least, that is what worked for me.